by Nur Anis Suhaimi

January 29, 2011

Sayang.

My mum received a very devastating call last night from my aunt. We were watching movie that time, it was about 9 p.m. I could tell it was a devastating one since I saw my mum was frowning and sometimes, she paused.

Later then, I learnt that my cousin, Irfan who is only 7, had been diagnosed to be having I don't know what illness it is called, but he is now an OKU. It was very coincidental that the movie we were watching, 'Mercury Rising' was about an autistic child. The news seriously breaks my heart. According to mum, my aunt whom I call Cu, cried frantically over the phone.

It was actually last year when Irfan's history started. Irfan's elder brother, Syahmi was advised by his class teacher to undergo a medical checkup, as she found him always having difficulties focusing and even copying notes in class. Even when his friends were already moving on to the next level of comprehension, he was still grasping for the very basic concept of that particular... lesson I would say.  

Syahmi never told Cu about his eyesight problem; it was never known to Cu that Syahmi had to borrow his friends' books every single class to copy whatever the teacher had written on the white board. In class, he had been struggling to get the most front seat, knowing he couldn't see a thing from behind. Frequent he got scolded by the teacher for being a slow learner, and Syahmi as I know, had been quiet and obedient about that.

Later, Cu brought Syahmi to a specialist, and he was identified to be having eyesight problem for several years now. Therefore, he has to use spectacles, and it is only normal for an 8 year old kid of this era to be wearing one (I think). With no specific purpose, Cu asked Irfan to also be diagnosed. Cu realised Irfan too had been a slow learner, and he still stutters when his younger sister whom was 5, could talk effortlessly.

The result of the diagnosis was shocking. Irfan's eyesight was even worse. He had been seeing objects around him in pairs and the pairs were identical; he saw his mother as two figures, the television as two TVs. So, the quick verdict was to provide Irfan with a more powerful glasses, and you know what, the power of each lens was 800! 

Cu used to tell us that as soon as the spectacles for Irfan was ready, he had been very happy and couldn't take it off even a sec! In the car on the way back collecting the specs from the specialist, Irfan wore those for the first time, and he was very quietly adhered to the car's window. He looked very amazed with what he was seeing, as if he never saw them. Yeah, he never saw them all, the cows, the fields, people, all. It was very understandable. He was just like a blind person, getting back his eyesight. 

So, my first meeting with him with specs was during Eid. I found him cute and adorable with it, so I decided to call him Mr. Irfan Potter.

Irfan said he wanted to be a politician. So he posed as one. Tun Irfan :)
So this January, Irfan was enrolled to Standard 1. I worried if he could survive, since he is considered psychically small for his age, and he still stutters. Mum said it will be okay. All Standard 1 kiddo are small and some of them still wet their pants. So everything was okay until yesterday.

The teacher told Cu that Irfan is a special child, he is different and that can be told by only a glance. He learns and comprehends things very slowly. His progress has not been satisfying for a 7 year old child. Even more heartbreaking, the teacher suggests that Irfan should be transferred to another school, by mean, a special school, school for the disables. Sekolah Pendidikan Khas.

So Cu brought Irfan to the specialist again. Cu couldn't accept what the teacher had concluded. Put me in her shoes, being a mother, I would not be accepting it that easy as well. However, the specialist concluded the same. His inability is evident even to the naked eyes. He cannot focus on a thing, he will frown when listening to people speaking, signalling him having trouble understanding.

The most heartrending part, was when the specialist confirmed that he suffers from 'brain failure.' As I have written above, Irfan always saw things in pairs before he wears spectacles. So his brain had been accustomed to the idea that everything in the world exists in duo. The brain adapted to the concept, and the conflict rose when he started wearing specs. Everything becomes one. There are no pairs anymore, all exists individually. And the brain cannot assimilate to it. That is why he learns very slowly. His brain is fighting with his eyes. In other words, his brain is not functioning well, and it can 'give up' anytime soon. Therefore, he is a disabled, and he is an OKU :'(

So the specialist recommends Irfan to be enrolled to the remedial class for the disables, not just a normal OKU class. It would be better if it is a one-to-one class. Cu cried while telling this, and yeah, she has to go here and there to get the OKU card and so on. I really feel like crying while typing this. He is my cousin for God sake. He is close to me, I bathed him every time we were all in kampung, I told him stories. He is nothing but normal to me. I never thought  he was actually fighting with his body.

Cu cried again Mum said, when she told how Irfan used to drag his school bag to her immediately when she got home from work, usually at 6.30 or 7.00 p.m. Cu is a banker, and she often gave excuses to Irfan that she was tired and the time was not suitable for studying (it was dusk). Not knowing that he actually has been having troubles with his learning, that he needs extra attention. Cu kept crying. 

This was when he asked me to tell him stories.
As a cousin, more as a teacher trainee, I feel more obliged to help Irfan. But I really don't know how to. It's a sudden rush in my heart that I feel useless, that 6 years of teaching training trains me nothing. I can't even differentiate what is autism, what is dyslexia, what is hyper activity, what is slow learning. Yeah these are different. And hell yeah, how to handle every each is different. 

I love you Irfan. See you this evening. I promise I'll try my best to help you. Love you.

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